Tuesday, September 06, 2005

How to Understand Intelligent Design

Intelligent design theory is quickly gaining acceptance with school boards from Kansas to Pennsylvania. For those desiring to educate themselves on the basics of intelligent design theory I recommend the following simple self-education procedure:
1) Pick up a copy of "The Design Revolution" by William A. Dembski, one of the leading scholars on intelligent design theory.
2) Tear out the pages of the book, crumple them up, and force them up the anus until the rectum is completely full. This will cauterize any bleeding caused by step 4 below. Make sure you don't accidentally read any of Dembski's book in the process.
3) Remove the radio antenna from a car, boat, boombox, or recreational vehicle. Insert the antenna up the left nostril and rotate the tip in a circular motion until the entire left hemisphere (including the cerebral cortex) is eviscerated. Be sure not to sever the corpus colosum.
4) Find an unoccupied restroom with an unpadded wooden toilet seat and place the head between the seat and porcelain rim. (Note: it is important to make sure that the seat is not padded or this just won't work.) Slam the toilet seat downward onto the side of the head repeatedly. This step is complete when you can nod silently through an entire two hour episode of the 700 club.
That's all there is to it. You now understand the other side of the evolution debate. Good luck and god bless scientific discovery.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9/06/2005 07:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9/06/2005 08:05:00 PM  
Blogger Al said...

Listen up heathen: You think you're pretty smart, but you'll think differently when you finally have to answer to the great Gopher God.

Oh yes, you'll be thinking a different think when you're spending all eternity being gnashed in his great gopher incisors.

9/10/2005 10:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must say that I agree completely with your view on this subject, except for all the painful parts. Truthfully, Intelligent Design should never be addressed in a straightforward manner. If you run into anyone stupid enough to believe it and you are stupid enough to engage in discussion with them, just scream at the top of your lungs that they're really just talking about creationism but they're too disingenous to admit it. This won't win you any points, but eventually you'll go hoarse and then not have to discuss it any more.

9/14/2005 08:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I found most interesting about this posting is that two commentators left comments that were presumably so offensive they had to be removed? Given the text of your comment, what the heck did they say?

9/14/2005 08:08:00 PM  
Blogger The Fifth Dentist said...

The comments that were removed were spam. One was for a weight-loss blog, the other was for penis enlargment.

9/15/2005 04:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While I'm sure you and your college chums get a kick out of commentary like this, full of references to bleeding rectums and toilets, why don't you grow up and post a rational, articulate argument against intelligent design. This kind of blathering can never generate legitimate discussion and doesn't further your side a bit.

And Weird Al, I read through your links and I guess you went from uber religious to non-believer but still like the trappings of religion without actual substance. Seems like a waste of time to me. Kind of like an astronaut devoting significant time and energy to studying and discussing the concepts and beliefs of the flat earth society. Know what I mean?

9/15/2005 09:17:00 PM  
Blogger The Fifth Dentist said...

While, it's nice of you to assume that I'm capable of writing a "rational articulate argument", unfortunately it isn't the case. Therefore, I will continue to "blather."

9/16/2005 05:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about that school board in Dover, Delaware? They could use something shoved up their ... you know what.

The Man

9/30/2005 01:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keeping you updated on Toilet Seat is the main intention of this article. So just read it to learn all you can about Toilet Seat.

3/18/2006 05:52:00 AM  

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