Monday, November 21, 2005

U.S. Officials: al-Zarqawi, Morrison May Have Been Killed In Attack

Mosul, Iraq (AP)—
The U.S. military announced today that it is “quite possible” that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was among those killed in a weekend raid in northern Iraq. The raid took place last Saturday in the northern Iraqi city of Mosul a U.S. counterterrorism expert said. The official said U.S. commanders do not know whether al-Zarqawi -- whom U.S. authorities call al Qaeda's top man in Iraq -- was in the house, which was targeted because suspected al Qaeda members were thought to be inside.

According to the same official, U.S. commanders also cannot rule out the possiblity that former fascist dictator Generalisimo Francisco Franco may also have been killed in the raid, though other intelligence indicates that Franco may have died of natural causes in 1975. The official also refused to rule out the possiblity that Jim Morrison, Ted Kaczinsky, Dr. Joyce Brothers, and the late Nipsy Russell may have been in the house with al-Zarqawi. The official stated that the military must conduct “further tests” to confirm the truth or falsity of any of these rumors but that it is “highly likely that somebody was probably in the house” when it was leveled by U.S. airstikes. “We’re fairly confident that one or more persons of interest possibly including al-Zarqawi were neutralized when the house was destroyed” said the U.S. official

The Mosul attack is part of a series of coordinated strikes on suspected terrorist staging grounds which U.S. commanders have dubbed “Operation Iron Blowtorch.” According to sources inside the Department of Defense, much of the intelligence supporting this operation was extracted from suspects being held at U.S. detention facilities like the one at Guantamo Bay, Cuba. Other intelligence supporting the operation is rumored to have been developed by the Department of Justice’s controversial practice of monitoring activity at U.S. public libraries. According to DOJ officials, al-Zarqawi’s whereabouts were confirmed by the the checkout of “Simple Lessons I learned the Hard Way” by Sarah Ferguson, the former Dutchess of York, at the Palmdale, California public library. The DOJ source stated “our software flagged the checkout of these materials as unlikely to be for legitimate purposes.” The DOJ source refused to comment on how al-Zarqawi’s whereabouts were pinpointed based on the library book.


Anonymous Tylerh said...

I am awaiting confirmation that the other four dentists weren't in the building.

11/21/2005 10:06:00 AM  
Anonymous tylerh said...

Once again, the MSM missed the real story: Had Elvis left the building?

11/21/2005 10:07:00 AM  
Blogger The Vulgarian said...

Please sir - may I have some more.

Actually it seems we keep getting his "deputies" very important No.2s and so forth. But it's all just No. 2 if you axe me.

11/23/2005 04:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo Dentist! We want something new. Maybe a shout out to Samuel Alito? It's been almost a month since our last glimpse into your mind ... what gives? Still recovering from a Thanksgiving eating binge? Attack Dentist, attack!

The Man

12/14/2005 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger Chancelucky said...

has anyone else counted the number of times they've caught Al Qaeda's #3 guy?
If you get a job at Al Qaeda, don't ever take the position of being #3. No one ever knows your name until they kill or capture you. I imagine #4 just says, "No, sorry don't want the promotion. find another #3 or just make one up."

12/21/2005 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger Olivia said...

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6/29/2011 11:41:00 PM  

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